xClamation!

Hiya! Back to tumblr again. Back to talk about happenings in life and well.. Some boring stuffs. Haha.

2 months and 13 days. Time passes by so quickly, and did many things within this time period.

Did Open Water Diving course by Singapore’s Scuba Schools International (SSI) on 12th to 14th August, attended driving lessons (the basic ones) and attended Inter Karate competition plus some other stuffs which I missed out definitely.

Recently, I’ve ended work. It’s my first to take up a promoting job at The Bakers’ Cottage during the mooncake festival season. Definitely gained some life experience and well, builds up on my character and skills. Heh. It’s quite a good one, and the people within this company are friendly and warm enough to have a final dinner at Johor to put something like a conclusion to our jobs. Haha I must say it’s a first having a boss like that, treating us and enjoyed the whole trip together. Also, not to forget that I’ve got to thank my bro’s brother for sending me home many times and late at night during my working period and, after. Must have been a burden to him and I guess it’s really not nice, so I’ll not bother him in future. Haha.

There are many things to be said, which I don’t know how to start it off and to express them.

Right now, I just hope everything in my life turns well and positive, because I feel that right now, I’ve just spoilt/ruined things and I wish to make up for them. I want to be better, and although old habits die hard, I’ll definitely want to try and kick them off.

I want to have only 4 priorities in life. I give up trying so hard to do many things at first. It’s exhaustive and it’s not helpful in building up my everything.

I’ll just list it out; family, friends, studies, karate.

Other than these, I’ll try to go with the better flow, and become plus be worthy to be called a good man. I’m 18, no longer a small kid anymore.

Of course, I will want to build on more on my expressions plus speaking ability with females. Hahaha. It’s really important :D

I miss everything, not caring about things, the person i used to be, you, my childhood, being happy, the good times, my old friends.

Ahhh. The Japanese lecturer for my Basic Japanese 102 now is nice. She’s pretty, and has a good voice. And the thing is, she seemed to be always like in her own world, which is kind of cute hahaha. Not bad. It’s the 2nd lesson already and she’s really, I don’t know, getting better in teaching because she doesn’t teach what’s only in the textbook and slightly more things that involves around her. Haha oh well I’m enjoying the lessons and hope I could catch up and do well in Japanese.

Things in school, I would say, it’s still the same, don’t think I did quite well but slightly above average. I don’t know why, but my motivation kicks in at random times so I would do better at those kind of timings too, which I don’t think is good as work done won’t be constantly good. Oh well.. Couldn’t help it.

I guess I would want to focus a lot in health, but I’m always distracted and tempted by things which in the end doesn’t seem to benefit my mind and body. Damn it..

Suddenly I feel so down, I wish I had her.

Miss a lot of things, especially having lunches and dinners with family.

I think I have too much things to worry for. I can’t be doing so many things and in the end make myself miserable..

Sigh. I’ve always look at others, about their lives and their achievements and get all jealous about them. And many a times I would want to get that, but I don’t think that’s possible.

I’m no superhuman. I need rest too. I guess I really should let go of many things and stop being too proud of myself inside me where no one actually knows what I’m thinking every time. No one knows the real me for I’ve not unleash everything about myself yet.

Oh I just can’t get too comfortable and be myself.. And it makes me think what if I had a sudden change in personality, and would the person understand?

Argh forget it. I just need to stop thinking too hard, about useless stuffs.

My mind has to be fully set to thinking about my studies, karate and a few sets of skills. I have to forget all the half mastered skills gotten from the past so as to master the other half.. I think it’s really time for a change..

Sigh.. Life is indeed stressful.

Ah. It’s been a long time since I last posted.

Time passed really fast. It’s already coming to the end of May 2011.

Had lots of dreams and goals, and have yet to fulfill any.

Made promises, but have yet again broken them many times.

I’ve given myself time and chances, but I guess it’s of no use. I’m just like spoiling myself. Till this date, I kind of felt really bad.

Firstly, I’ve wasted lots of resources.

Secondly, I’ve lost time which cannot be gained back and now I’ve got lots of catching up to do. Who do I blame? Only myself..

Thirdly, I’ve yet to be skilled in communications.

Tsk tsk. The list continues..

Sigh. What have I been doing and thinking? I’ve got lots of thinking, but I keep on forgetting them. I’ve made myself committed in too many areas and I guess when I just let go, I’ve became lost and don’t know what to do anymore. I’m really stuck. Haha. I guess I brought all this to myself without realising till now.

Oh well.. I’ve became a Jack of all trades of the middle level, yet master in none. I think it’s time to become master of at least before I turn into a nobody..

Am I not attractive at the least?

Sigh. I really don’t know what I’ve been thinking all these while..

I really want to change, and I mean real great changes. Somehow I felt really sidetracked and really slow, and falling deep into nowhere.

I’d love to be in a place that belongs to me, a place where I’m accepted..

I guess I’m gonna ignore all things, people as well as external factors such as events to stop me from improving and keep on getting better in academics. I want to do well now..

I’ll start sleeping properly; minimum of 8 hours and also go on a dieting.

Got to make plans and forecast properly too. Spend my time and money properly and wisely.

Oh well.. Sometimes I wished I was inside one of the Japanese manga that I read.. It’s so.. Urgh.. Words can’t seem to describe that feeling.

I want to.. do something good, do something better, do something properly. It’s late, but I have to do it still.

Sigh.

Oh well. Time really flies. Now I’m already turned 18. On 6th April which was my birthday, I thought of celebrating it with a blast. However I’m down for a Freshmen Orientation Camp, and yeah.. I kind of didn’t like it being down there. Firstly it was because I’m used to being serious first and all of a sudden I had to change emotions to become happy and kind of crazy person. It’s difficult, but I sort of managed it. Mixing around, communicating with people, working with different people and executing plans were not easy. Plus, I’m put to work with somebody that I don’t even like. Seriously. I hate Malay girls who don’t think and mind their language. What’s more, she isn’t pretty. I would say, she look worse wearing makeup. It sucks. It really sucks to be with someone I don’t like working with and having to bear with everything for 3 freaking days. Damn it. I could be better off working with someone else, at least somebody decent.. Argh.

March semester break is really a killer for me. Hadn’t got enough rest, didn’t work towards my goals and I’m seriously screwed up to this point of time. I’ve had enough of things being like this. I really can’t depend on others and thinking too positively. I must work properly and seriously, even it is to forsake the idea of making friends. To hell with it. Sometimes I think sticking too much with so-called friends can be a burden. It’s time to wake up and think for the better. I must not let myself fall to a point where I can’t get up on my own.

Oh well. And there’s one more thing. I’ve got promoted from the rank of Cadet 2nnd Lieutenant to Cadet Lieutenant, or some would call it Full ‘Left’-enant. I got to wear the rank and think back that there are great seniors who wore this rank before, and it just makes me happy that I’ve finally done my job and my efforts weren’t gone into the drain.

Sigh.. I still haven’t got a nice partner. How I wish to be with someone, and just both of us, studying and doing all the stuffs without having anyone else to interfere and care. We will and can just be happy and better off then. Sigh.. Wondering who on earth has such thinking.. But the thought of it makes me happy. Hahaha.

Time really flies. With a blink of an eye and days passed without feeling anything that’s too hard to remember in memory.

Oh well. Let’s see what I’ve got to write in summary from the last day I’ve posted till now.

Had camp at OBS 4 days 3 nights with the rest of Ngee Ann Polytechnic’s CCA Leaders. Enjoyed much, especially the activities. Uh yeah, obviously activities are usually engaging and of course we’ll get to bond with each other more. Hmm. Right after that camp had another camp going on which was Camp STEEL, being there as PC. Freaking tired already because y’know. Camps being camps, always draining energies.

And then.. camp after camp. Had another camp for GLs (Group Leaders) in NP in preparation for my course’s Freshmen Orientation Camp, in short, EBM (my course that I’m in, Engineering with Business Management) FOC. Tsktsk. Freaking hate it, because I’ve got a Malay female partner. I guess it is difficult because I had to accommodate to her too. But, I’m always trying to push my ideas through and being firm on my stand. Oh well. Ultimately I’m hoping to work well and bring success to the actual camp, cater to 80-120 strong freshies (the incoming batch of Year 1s of the course) which is on 6th April, *cough cough* my birthday falls on the first day of camp where I could actually spend the time celebrating with awesome friends and family -.- SIGH.

SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH..

Right now I feel that I’m aimlessly walking to nowhere and I strongly felt useless and lifeless -.- Lots of time lost and wasted. Crap fuck really annoys me when I come to think of that -.-

March semester break, lots of things to do. Somehow, I still feel there are lots incomplete and undone. Sigh.

Thinking of people’s relations drive me crazy. Can’t stop thinking what others are thinking and their feelings. Should try not to think too much.

Recently just had 6th ADC as trainer. It is really of a different level, and my first taking it, trying to conduct it to the best of my abilities. Some how, this thing that I always lack comes in place; impromptu thinking of motivational and teaching materials. Sigh. I hate this because it always get in the way and I often can’t think of anything to do. Luckily I had a close mate of mine, which we’ve worked together often to back me up. Relief of that, but still stress on the other. OH well. Things will always get better and well, that’s what I believe.

Hmm I wanted to make it a point to post everyday, and it seems I’ve failed to do that. Crap. Everyday has interesting things happening, and I didn’t post to save these memories up some where such as this place to store it.

HAHAHA. Man, when is the time that I can get someone to think and do things together without complaints.. Sometimes, I should stop being selfish and being so full of pride. I’m going to work on it.. Really.. I’ve gone from bad to worse, and this became a bad habit. Damn it.

Looking forward to a better day, every day..

I’m thinking of lots of things.

Sigh. Been wasting a lot of things, time. Sigh.

I’m going to talk more about it in my posting later.

Oh well.. Sigh..

I’m tired. It’s sickening when people don’t know your ideals and what you’re thinking and assume things differently and act on accord to what they believe what it is before trying to get deeper to understanding. it’s causes more anger when the person does things that makes you feel like nothing when you’ve done more than what a chart can hold. I’m telling myself to hold back, and watch behind without doing more than I usually do.

Things may seem to clear up, for now. However, it will surely rise again. How can one ensure that it may not happen again? I’m sad, definitely. People are materialistic. They don’t see the part where you do things in details but doing it behind such that they can’t see for themselves clearly.

I’ve failed. I’ve failed to achieve what I wanted, showing it clearly in my own mind.

I feel like giving up this fight where I wanted to fight for the win initially.

I am feeling really pissed and angry right now.

Vexed.